Today is a great day to change the name of my Blog

My Dear Children of World Planet Earth,

I am pleased to announce that on this day, Thursday May 26, 2005 in the year of our Lord, I have been officially ordained as a minister of the Universal Life Church. May God have mercy on our souls.

-Rev. Jim
aka Rev. Jay
aka Pete Durango
aka AKA

I am NOT a Star Wars geek...or AM I?

In honor of today's release of "Revenge of the Sith" I thought I'd post an old top ten list from the Late Show with David Letterman.

Top Ten Thoughts On The Minds Of People In Line For Star Wars

10. "Nice of Cher to loan me her Academy Awards outfit."
9. "First in line.... This'll look good on my resume."
8. "The babes should be coming over to talk to me any minute now."
7. "I shouldn't have to wait in this line -- I'm Carrie Fisher."
6. "I sense a disturbance in my hairline."
5. "Is that some sort of image-gathering droid?"
4. "Princess Leia... Princess Leia... Princess Leia... Princess Leia...."
3. "What I want is a prequel to 'Turner and Hooch'."
2. "This line better move soon, or Paul will have to host the show for me."
1. "What a couple of geeks."

Gotta go now. The movie starts in a couple hours.

May the farts be with you,
J.

Today's Today Thought for Today

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

The Meaning of Life

People always ask me, “Jay, what is the meaning of life?”. I usually laugh knowingly and reply, “how the hell should I know?”.
Does any really know the secret to life on planet Earth? Perhaps little puppy dogs or sweet kitty cats might have a clue, but they ain’t talkin’.
If I had to guess the answer to this age old question I’d say that the answer lies within each and every one of us. All we have to do is look deep within ourselves and we should be able to find the answer. If the answer still eludes us we should try looking deep within someone else’s self. This can be tricky and may often result in a slap in the face or a restraining order. If one is still unable to find the answer I would recommend rephrasing the question.
Here are a few examples:

Life. What’s it mean?
Excuse me, could you tell me where I could find out what life is all about?
Hi. Can you please pass the potatoes and, oh by the way, why are we here?
Hey life! What the hell do you mean?

If all else fails in your quest for the meaning of life you could always just kiss my ass. It may not answer the question, but I think we’ll all feel better if you do. And isn’t feeling better really what life is all about?

Finally, I would like to end this post by saying I slit the sheet on which I sit; upon the slitted sheet I sit.
I’ve never been comfortable enough around anyone to type that before. Thank you everyone.

Stay focused, shitheads!
-J.

Wasting Time (Chapter 1)

Wasting time is an art form all to itself. I have spent much of my adult life theorizing about the best ways to waste time. I have gathered a collection of these theories for a book which I may or may not have finished several years ago or just last week. The book does not explain my theories nor does it actually contain them. The book is more of a way to put off documenting my theories. To be honest, my theories are nothing more than hypotheses about theories. However, one day I plan on taking these hypotheses and doing something very important with them. Until someday I will merely think about it. I also like to drink beer. This is important because drinking beer is the best way to waste time without realizing it. It slows what I like to call your thought process down and creates that false impression that you are doing something important. Not that drinking beer isn't something important. I'm just saying. Also, if one really wants to waste time they can write something silly for their blog until it's time to leave work. This is both fun and rewarding especially while drinking a beer and theorizing about the best ways we as humans can waste time both affectively and effectively. Those two words are sometimes confusing? I mean, they are pronounced almost the same but have slightly different meanings. Whose idea was that?
What was I saying? Oh yes...wasting time can be both fun and rewarding if it results in successfully avoiding work.


Would you look at the time? See ya!

Today's Post Today

Which came first the chicken or the stupid cop?
Silly Chicken.

In other news, happy birthday Billy Joel. Please write more songs for the world to hear sometimes.

In other other news, things happened today.

Watch this space for very important posts about things you need to know which are both very and important. Check your local listings for local listings and jello.
In the mean time, look here.

Happy today!
-J.