The Meaning of Life

People always ask me, “Jay, what is the meaning of life?”. I usually laugh knowingly and reply, “how the hell should I know?”.
Does any really know the secret to life on planet Earth? Perhaps little puppy dogs or sweet kitty cats might have a clue, but they ain’t talkin’.
If I had to guess the answer to this age old question I’d say that the answer lies within each and every one of us. All we have to do is look deep within ourselves and we should be able to find the answer. If the answer still eludes us we should try looking deep within someone else’s self. This can be tricky and may often result in a slap in the face or a restraining order. If one is still unable to find the answer I would recommend rephrasing the question.
Here are a few examples:

Life. What’s it mean?
Excuse me, could you tell me where I could find out what life is all about?
Hi. Can you please pass the potatoes and, oh by the way, why are we here?
Hey life! What the hell do you mean?

If all else fails in your quest for the meaning of life you could always just kiss my ass. It may not answer the question, but I think we’ll all feel better if you do. And isn’t feeling better really what life is all about?

Finally, I would like to end this post by saying I slit the sheet on which I sit; upon the slitted sheet I sit.
I’ve never been comfortable enough around anyone to type that before. Thank you everyone.

Stay focused, shitheads!
-J.