Nothing: the new something
Since I've got nothing new to say I have decided to post a short story I wrote a few years ago. One day I will have another original thought. When I do watch out because I'll post it quicker than the salmon of Capistrano on the way back from a teddy bear hoedown.
Panic
Frank sat on the side of his bed staring at his alarm clock in bewilderment. Just yesterday his boss had suggested to him that he should start making a conscious effort to improve his attendance. Somehow, in his usual morning routine of hitting the snooze button before getting out of bed, he had pressed snooze one too many times. Actually, it was more like thirteen too many times. It was now 10:17am and he was almost two hours late for work. He thought maybe he should just call in sick and say that he was too ill to call earlier. This did not seem like a good enough excuse so he began to contemplate another one. Then he remembered that he had already used up all of his sure-fire excuses. To make matters worse, he was out of sick days. This was especially bad considering he had just started his job two weeks ago and had already taken five sick days. It was at this point that he began to panic.
The night before, he had gone out with Jessica. Ah, Jessica. What can be said about Jessica that hasn’t already been said by a million songs and fortune cookies? Fortune cookies? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Jessica is beautiful. He knows this because she told him. He would have figured it out on his own anyway because he knows a beautiful woman when he sees one and he certainly saw her. He saw the hell out of her! Jessica is the type of girl who can walk into a room and turn every man’s head. Hell, she can even turn women’s heads. This is no ugly woman. Frank and Jessica went to a bar in Dallas that someone at work told him about. Frank never discovered these places on his own. In fact, Frank had never discovered anything on his own. It wasn’t that he didn’t get out much; it was more that he just wasn’t very observant. He once waited in line for three hours to use a public restroom before he realized that he was in line to buy tickets for a Stone’s concert. Although it was a good show, he felt really stupid. To make matters worse, he missed the first half of the concert because he was in the bathroom. Not because he had to go, but because he thought he was waiting in line for a beer. Lines confused Frank. So did things that weren’t lines. So Frank and Jessica sat in the bar drinking Shiners talking about politics and current events. Two minutes later, after realizing that neither of them knew anything on those subjects, he suggested they play a game of pool. Pool was the one thing that Frank did well. He let her break first because he knew it would be her only chance to hold a pool stick all night. He could not have been more wrong. Not only did she make three balls on the break, but she also ran the table. He thought to himself that he might have met his equal. Well, except for the breasts.
After embarrassing him in pool, Jessica offered to buy Frank a late-night breakfast. Frank promptly agreed. Frank loves breakfast with all his heart. His only dislike about breakfast is that it usually comes in the morning time. Frank hates mornings. Well, mornings and eggs. Actually, come to think of it, Frank hates breakfast. Frank convinces Jessica that late-night breakfast is not a good idea. However, Jessica then convinces Frank that his idea of late-night breakfast not being a good idea is not a good idea. They spent the next hour trying to convince each other the their ideas were not good. After that, they spent the next 2 hours trying to remember what they were trying to convince each other. It’s not that they are both stubborn; it’s that they are both very dumb. That is most likely why they are so attracted to each other.
After sex, Frank got up from the middle of the street and headed home. From there everything became very foggy. “Damn fog”, he thought to himself. To make matters worse he could not figure out where that annoying buzzing sound was coming from. The sound kept getting louder and louder until he could not longer stand it. At that moment, he noticed that he was sitting on the side of his bed in bewilderment. Of course, this was not the first time he had found himself sitting on the side of his bed in bewilderment. It was, however, the most recent. It finally occurred to him that he had fallen asleep again in his frantic realization that he had overslept. Now he was really late. To make matters worse, he was not completely sure that he was actually awake. Just then, he feels a hand on his shoulder. “Did you finish?”, he hears a voice ask. Now he was really concerned. Mainly because the voice he heard was that of his boss. “Frank, did you finish that report?”. He turns around to see his boss. Then he notices that his bedroom is filled with cubicles. He turns around again and notices that he his facing his computer. Then it occurs to him that he is more confused than usual. This confuses him further. He hears another voice, “Hey Frank, it’s almost quitting time!”. He thinks to himself that this is the craziest dream he has ever had… and or is it? Frank panics.
Panic
Frank sat on the side of his bed staring at his alarm clock in bewilderment. Just yesterday his boss had suggested to him that he should start making a conscious effort to improve his attendance. Somehow, in his usual morning routine of hitting the snooze button before getting out of bed, he had pressed snooze one too many times. Actually, it was more like thirteen too many times. It was now 10:17am and he was almost two hours late for work. He thought maybe he should just call in sick and say that he was too ill to call earlier. This did not seem like a good enough excuse so he began to contemplate another one. Then he remembered that he had already used up all of his sure-fire excuses. To make matters worse, he was out of sick days. This was especially bad considering he had just started his job two weeks ago and had already taken five sick days. It was at this point that he began to panic.
The night before, he had gone out with Jessica. Ah, Jessica. What can be said about Jessica that hasn’t already been said by a million songs and fortune cookies? Fortune cookies? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Jessica is beautiful. He knows this because she told him. He would have figured it out on his own anyway because he knows a beautiful woman when he sees one and he certainly saw her. He saw the hell out of her! Jessica is the type of girl who can walk into a room and turn every man’s head. Hell, she can even turn women’s heads. This is no ugly woman. Frank and Jessica went to a bar in Dallas that someone at work told him about. Frank never discovered these places on his own. In fact, Frank had never discovered anything on his own. It wasn’t that he didn’t get out much; it was more that he just wasn’t very observant. He once waited in line for three hours to use a public restroom before he realized that he was in line to buy tickets for a Stone’s concert. Although it was a good show, he felt really stupid. To make matters worse, he missed the first half of the concert because he was in the bathroom. Not because he had to go, but because he thought he was waiting in line for a beer. Lines confused Frank. So did things that weren’t lines. So Frank and Jessica sat in the bar drinking Shiners talking about politics and current events. Two minutes later, after realizing that neither of them knew anything on those subjects, he suggested they play a game of pool. Pool was the one thing that Frank did well. He let her break first because he knew it would be her only chance to hold a pool stick all night. He could not have been more wrong. Not only did she make three balls on the break, but she also ran the table. He thought to himself that he might have met his equal. Well, except for the breasts.
After embarrassing him in pool, Jessica offered to buy Frank a late-night breakfast. Frank promptly agreed. Frank loves breakfast with all his heart. His only dislike about breakfast is that it usually comes in the morning time. Frank hates mornings. Well, mornings and eggs. Actually, come to think of it, Frank hates breakfast. Frank convinces Jessica that late-night breakfast is not a good idea. However, Jessica then convinces Frank that his idea of late-night breakfast not being a good idea is not a good idea. They spent the next hour trying to convince each other the their ideas were not good. After that, they spent the next 2 hours trying to remember what they were trying to convince each other. It’s not that they are both stubborn; it’s that they are both very dumb. That is most likely why they are so attracted to each other.
After sex, Frank got up from the middle of the street and headed home. From there everything became very foggy. “Damn fog”, he thought to himself. To make matters worse he could not figure out where that annoying buzzing sound was coming from. The sound kept getting louder and louder until he could not longer stand it. At that moment, he noticed that he was sitting on the side of his bed in bewilderment. Of course, this was not the first time he had found himself sitting on the side of his bed in bewilderment. It was, however, the most recent. It finally occurred to him that he had fallen asleep again in his frantic realization that he had overslept. Now he was really late. To make matters worse, he was not completely sure that he was actually awake. Just then, he feels a hand on his shoulder. “Did you finish?”, he hears a voice ask. Now he was really concerned. Mainly because the voice he heard was that of his boss. “Frank, did you finish that report?”. He turns around to see his boss. Then he notices that his bedroom is filled with cubicles. He turns around again and notices that he his facing his computer. Then it occurs to him that he is more confused than usual. This confuses him further. He hears another voice, “Hey Frank, it’s almost quitting time!”. He thinks to himself that this is the craziest dream he has ever had… and or is it? Frank panics.
posted by Jay at 10:05 AM
3 Comments:
Man that sounds exactly like something that happened to me once.... except for the parts about Jessica, the late night breakfast and work.
...alarms suck!
-B
Excellent Story! You should be a writer! Or be a non-writer who writes on the side!
I really empathize with Frank. We often get together and empathize over a couple shiners.
great stuff...
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